Chapter 2
(Kara's POV)

Okay, I have to admit that I never thought the day would come in which I would actually be grateful to have Cottle yelling at me for doing something stupid but here I am, though the truth is that it's not so much that I'm grateful for all the yelling as it is that I am almost painfully aware of the fact that this is nothing compared to what is coming the moment the doc is done with me.

I know that as soon as he is done with me both Lee and the Old Man will be storming in here demanding some answers and the truth is that I don't know what the frak I am supposed to tell them, not really. After all, not volunteering any information when they weren't exactly asking was one thing, openly lying to them now is another. In fact that is a line I cannot cross, that is a risk I can't afford to take and I know it... but then again, telling them the whole truth is not much of an option either. That is the problem.

I guess my best bet right now is to answer their questions, just like I'm supposed to... and pray that they don't ask the right ones, at least not all of them. That's probably the best I can hope for under the circumstances but I'm still not looking forward to it. I've spent these past few days trying to forget all about that gods-forsaken farm, to put it all behind me, and now I know I'm about to be reminded of it... in painful detail.

I know I'm going to have to tell them that I was shot and operated on, there's no question about that --though I suspect that Cottle will probably beat me to it on that one-- and then I'm going to have to tell them about the experiments the cylons are conducting back on Caprica. That one is not going to go over well and I know it but it is still not the part I'm most worried about, not really.

Well, at least the good news is that I'll be able to add the descriptions of two more cylon models to the list, Simon and that blonde bitch. Hopefully that will be enough to distract them, at least for a while, though on the other hand they are not going to be happy about the fact that I didn't volunteer that information the second I came back... and somehow I don't think they would believe me if I were to try to tell them that it just slipped my mind. I am well aware that identifying as many cylon models as we can is one of our top priorities --especially since Boomer almost succeeded in taking out the Old Man-- and in that regard I know I deserve everything I get for putting this off but the truth is that I just couldn't figure out how to tell them about the cylons I met back on Caprica without revealing everything I went through back on that planet and when I first came back I was far from ready to do that, in fact I'm still not ready. Unfortunately I do realize that I don't have much of a choice in the matter, not any more.

In fact the most I can hope for right now is for a few more minutes and those minutes won't really make much of a difference. They won't change anything in terms of my confrontation with the Old Man and they certainly won't change anything about the fact that I'm stuck in here and I hate it.

I hate being stuck in this bed, I always have. I feel so frakking helpless just lying here with everyone looming over me but if what Cottle is telling me is anything to go by then it looks like I'm going to be in here for a while... whether I like it or not. In fact the doc seemed almost gleeful when he told me about that, the problem is that this time around I know it's going to be worse than ever, to the point that I really don't know if I can take it.

Caprica is still too fresh in my mind and even now I'm battling the memories of Simon and what he did to me. Sure, I know where I am now and I know this is not a frakking farm --I mean, even the cylons have a better bedside manner than Cottle-- but in spite of that I still couldn't help the feeling of dread that came over me as one of the nurses inserted an IV into my arm a while ago so how the frak am I supposed to make it through the next few days?

Well, I guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to do it somehow because I know better than to hope that the doc will change his mind about keeping me here... especially seeing how he is still fuming because I didn't tell him that I was hurt in the first place. In fact right now he is busy telling me exactly what is wrong with me, not that I didn't know that already.

I mean, the fact that I have two incisions is not exactly breaking news, at least not to me, though I have to say I'm relieved to hear that at least in that regard that cylon butcher did a pretty good job. The problem is that while I'm happy about that, I'm still not looking forward to finding out exactly what it was that he did to me in the first place, but that's a different matter altogether. Another thing that doesn't really come as much of a shock is the fact that Cottle tells me I have the beginnings of an infection. Seeing how I've been pretty much feeling like crap since last night I have to say that I was kind of expecting that one too. In fact what would have been surprising would have been if the doc had found that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me and everything was healing nicely. After all, I haven't exactly been doing any of the things the resistance so-called-medic suggested... I've been too busy doing what I had to do to stay alive to worry about that.

In other words, I haven't been taking it easy, I haven't been keeping the wounds clean --especially because for some reason there was a distinct lack of showers back on Kobol-- and I didn't have a real doctor check my incisions over as soon as I could. Okay, so maybe that last one was more of a choice but still, what can I say? I just couldn't come up with an excuse to see Cottle without having to reveal everything I'd been through and that wasn't something I was ready to do. That's why I figured that I might as well take my chances and hope that, for once, things would work themselves out on their own.

I mean, I knew that at least in theory I could have come see the doc and I also knew that I might even have hoped to get away without answering too many of his questions about what had happened to me in the first place --like I'm trying to do now-- but I also knew it wasn't going to be that simple. I knew that, even though I had the whole doctor/patient confidentiality thing on my side, there was no way it could possibly have stayed there. Even though Cottle himself would have been duty-bound to keep the details of my condition to himself if I had come see him, he would also have had no choice but to ground me and that would inevitably have led to way too many questions being asked about why it was that I was being grounded in the first place, questions that would have been coming straight from the Old Man, questions I wouldn't have been allowed to refuse to answer. That was the part I had been dreading, with 'had' being the operative word here because I know it can no longer be avoided.

I know the questions are coming and somehow I'm going to have to figure out a way to answer them and I'm also going to have to figure out a way to keep myself together while I do it. The problem is that I don't know if I can pull that one off. Yes, I know that what the Commander will want to know are just the facts and those are fairly straight forward but I don't know if I'll be able to stick to them, if I'll be able to keep my emotions at bay and distance myself from everything I went through back on Caprica... especially because even now I still can't close my eyes without seeing Sue-Shaun and the others.