Chapter 62
(Cottle's POV)

I fight the urge to glare at the younger Adama but at the same time I know that --short of shooting him myself-- there is very little I can do here. Ending this conversation two minutes ago is no longer an option and trying to put an end to this now would almost certainly do Starbuck more harm than good. Of course, the fact that we are going to have to let this play out for a little longer means that I can afford to ask a couple of additional questions and in the long run that may not be such a bad thing.

"That is enough, both of you," I growl, drawing their attention to myself and hoping to minimize the damage.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I..." mumbles Apollo, finally realizing what he said... or at least how it came out.

"Not now," I interrupt him.

"But I..."

"I said 'not now'," I repeat. Oh, I can see where he is coming from but at the same time I know that there's no way Starbuck would be willing to listen to what he has to say now and I am afraid that, if he were to insist in trying to make this 'better' without giving her time to calm down, he would only succeed in digging himself into a deeper hole.

"I'm sorry," he repeats and this time around I do glare at him. Yes, he is sorry but we can't afford to worry about that, not now. We have to get ourselves some answers and then we have to put an end to this.

"And what about Leoben?" I prod, trying to get things back on track and to determine just how deep does this particular bit of damage run.

"What do you mean?" she asks, sounding rather puzzled.

"Well, you said that there was a difference between Jonas and the men who came after him because you went along with them 'willingly' so I was wondering how would you describe the situation with Leoben in that regard. Where does he fit in that spectrum?"

"I don't know, I... I don't know," she trails off.

"Did you go along with him?" I push, even though I already know the answer to that particular question.

"No... at least not at first."

"But eventually you did?"

"Yes," she admits.

"Why?"

"Because there was no point in fighting him. I tried but... I... I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't beat him."

"So when it became apparent that you couldn't beat him you decided to go along with him, is that it?"

"I guess," she says with a shrug.

"And could you have beaten any of the others?" I ask.

"No, but..."

"But what?"

"But I didn't even try," she whispers.

"Why not?"

"Because I was a kid and there wasn't a frakking thing I could do about any of it!" she snaps.

"And that is precisely the point," I say, seeing an opening and hoping that she'll understand, though I know it is unlikely to be anywhere near that simple.

"What?"

"You were a kid and no matter how hard you tried, you still wouldn't have been able to fight them off. You may have gone along with them but that doesn't mean you had a choice."

"I should have tried!" she insists.

"Like you 'tried' with Leoben?"

"I guess," she says, looking away.

"There's more to it than that, isn't there?" I ask, realizing that there is something in Starbuck's story that still doesn't add up, something she isn't telling me.

"What do you mean?"

"When did you realize that you couldn't beat Leoben?" I ask but she just shrugs at that and I consider the possibility of letting this go, at least for the time being. Yes, I am well aware that we have pushed too hard already but at the same time we need to know as much as we can about what we are dealing with here and, even though I can see that she is tired and I know I should probably let this go, I also know that getting her to open up about this again would be both extremely painful and next to impossible.

"Starbuck?" I insist when she doesn't answer.

"I... I don't know... I guess I knew all along," she admits, sounding rather confused.

"But you still fought him."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't the same... because it wasn't really about me or about what he was doing to me."

"It 'wasn't about you'?" I ask, trying to make some sort of sense out of her words.

"No, he... he wanted more."

"More?"

"Yes. It wasn't like the others... it wasn't just about frakking me... that would have been easy. I knew there was nothing I could do about that, I knew I couldn't hope to fight him in that regard but..."

"But what?"

"But he wanted more than that. He didn't just want me to stop fighting him... he... he wanted me to love him and..."

"And did you?" I push getting really worried by the scope of the damage we are dealing with.

"I don't know... I... I stopped fighting... I did what he wanted me to, so maybe I..."

"You think that the fact that you went along with him means that maybe you did?" I ask and she just nods at that, looking utterly exhausted.

"You didn't," I say... not that I expect her to believe me but knowing that we have to put an end to this and we have to do it now because Starbuck is already at the end of her rope here.