Chapter 41
(Dee's POV)

I think I've been patient enough. No, I know I've been patient enough but no more. Not after today.

I have been waiting for my so-called-husband to come 'home' for more than four hours now but there is still no sign of him. Of course, I know where to find him if I need him, I've known all along... hell, the whole frakking ship knows where he is. He is in sickbay, he is always in sickbay... he is always with her and, to make matters worse, I can't even object to his presence there... not without looking like the bad guy.

I'm not the bad guy here. Lee is my husband but that is not the way people see it. No, as far as most of them are concerned there is absolutely nothing wrong with him ignoring me for another woman. As far as they are concerned he is just supporting his 'friend' in her time of need... friend, now that's a laugh. Starbuck and Apollo have never been 'friends' and the whole ship knows it. I may be married to him but I am still treated like 'the other woman' by most of the crew and, after Starbuck's pathetic little stunt, I'm not even allowed to complain about it.

As far as they are concerned, she needs him.

Well, I need him too but that doesn't really seem to matter... and neither does the fact that she has a husband of her own, a husband that --unlike mine-- can usually be found anywhere but at her bedside, though rumor has it that he is not there because Cottle banned him from sickbay over a week ago.

Of course, it's not just Apollo. Even the Admiral seems to be glued to her side. I may be his daughter-in-law but Starbuck is his daughter, period. She is his golden girl and I am second-best.

Oh, it's not that I don't care what happens to Kara, not really, it's not even that I don't like her. It's just that I hate the way I am constantly pushed aside because of her 'needs' and I hate the fact that my husband is lying to me, that he is keeping something from me. I know something is bothering him but he won't even talk to me about it and that is making me feel like an outsider in my own marriage. That is not a pleasant feeling and I've just about had it.

Maybe if Lee would open up and trust me this wouldn't be so bad but I already know that's never going to happen.

Sure, I know they are not having a steamy affair while she is in sickbay, but that is not the point, not really. The point is that... I don't even know what the frakking point is any more. Maybe the point is that I know I'm losing him and there's nothing I can do to change that. Maybe the point is that now that Kara is back on board, now that we are all stuck together in a single battlestar again, there is no way I'm ever going to be able to compete with the almighty Starbuck... not in Lee's eyes and not in anyone else's.

She is the lead pilot and I'm just the communications officer... the ship's glorified secretary. I don't get to be a hero, I don't get to save the day... I just do what I can to keep things running smoothly but even there I am well aware that I am far from essential when it comes to the fleet's survival. My job requires no special skills and there are plenty of others who could do what I do with very little training and I also know that a CO is all I'm ever going to be. Of course, there is also no denying that there are some considerable advantages to my position here.

I may be a glorified secretary but at least my job is about as safe as you can get these days... it is predictable and that is the way I like it. I have to do as I am told but that is it. There are no ambiguities to it, no life or death decisions that I have to make and --as long as the Galactica remains in one piece-- no major risks associated with it either.

No, my problem is not my job, at least not directly. My problem is that I am married to a pilot but --unlike Starbuck-- I am not one of them. Pilots have their own little clique and not even a wedding ring will buy you an entrance to their private club. That puts me at a distinct disadvantage here.

The pilots are the guardians of the fleet, they are the heroes, they see themselves as brothers in arms, they are used to having each other's backs and they are all but worshiped by everyone else. They are the ones risking their lives day in and day out to keep the rest of us safe and --even after a year on New Caprica-- that still goes double for the almighty Starbuck, a living legend with a knack for flaunting the rules and beating the odds.

She is one half of 'Starbuck and Apollo' and --seeing how I am married to the other half-- I am stuck fighting a battle I know I cannot win.

She has always cast a giant shadow on my marriage --she did it even when she left the fleet, when she and Lee weren't speaking to each other... when my husband couldn't even stand to hear her name-- but at least back then she was not a constant presence in our lives... not like she is now.

I am still thinking about that, I am still trying to figure out how to handle this whole mess and what my next move should be when I hear the hatch open and I see Lee walk back into our quarters.