Chapter 39
(Laura's POV)

Of course Lee is glaring at me, why wouldn't he be? I mean, after Bill and Cottle I know I should probably have been expecting it but honestly, this is getting ridiculous and I've just about had it. Yes, I know they are worried and I know there is something I'm not being told. I know Kara had a close call, I know I have to tread carefully and I know I'm not allowed to ask questions but I'm not the enemy here, damn it!

Sure, I understand where they are coming from and I do realize that in a way this is an untenable situation as far as they are concerned. I understand that on the one hand Kara gave them quite a scare but on the other they feel it's not their place to tell me exactly what happened, what triggered this, and because of my 'ignorance' they see me as a threat.

I can respect that but I also know that there would be a simple solution to this particular dilemma. Unfortunately that solution would require Kara herself to fill me in on the details and I can tell just by looking at her that she is in no shape to do that. In fact she seems almost as distraught by my presence here as Lee and that is not something I had been expecting to see.

Right now she is worrying her lower lip and looking almost like a trapped animal so I guess my first priority has to be to set her mind at ease --to set their minds at ease-- something that would be a lot easier if I actually had a clue as to what it is that I am supposed to be dealing with here and that brings me right back to the beginning, to the problem of what I don't know.

That is the key and the bottom line is that the fact that I don't know and I cant ask doesn't necessarily mean that I can't figure it out. In fact, come to think of it, I have to figure it out if we are ever going to move past the 'glaring stage'.

So what do I know?

I know that Kara tried to kill herself and I know Bill is blaming himself for it. I know Lee and Cottle are worried and more than a little overprotective. I also know they know why she did it but they feel it's not their place to tell me... that they are determined to respect her privacy. Those are the basic facts but those facts are nowhere near enough for me to figure out what is going on here... though at least they provide me with a frame of reference, with something remotely resembling a starting point. The next question is what can be inferred from those facts.

The first thing is that --regardless of what Bill said about the fact that he made a mistake-- whatever it was that pushed her over the edge can almost certainly be traced back to New Caprica rather than to what he might have said. That is where the bad attitude he mentioned stemmed from.

So I guess what I have to figure out is what happened to her down there, what the cylons did to her. That is where things get complicated.

Oh, I know she was taken on the first day of the occupation and I know she wasn't seen or heard from until after we escaped. I know what that detention center was like and I can only imagine what kind of toll spending four months in that hellhole must have taken on her but at the same time I know that there has to be more to it than that. Simply put, while that would account for Kara's actions, if that were the extent of it Bill, Cottle and Lee wouldn't be this defensive.

That means that Kara was probably singled out for some sort of 'special treatment' and, as far as I'm concerned, the cylons' 'standard hospitality' was bad enough already.

The next question is what did that 'special treatment' entail, what was it that she went through. I don't know and, if I want to figure it out, I'm going to have to do precisely the one thing Bill always advises against: I'm going to have to speculate.

The first thought that crosses my mind in that regard is that she was tortured. That would be the most logical explanation but, while that remains a distinct possibility, I am fairly certain that there was a lot more to it than that. Simply put, even though I could see Bill refusing to go into too much detail about what it was that the cylons did to her, I don't think he would have been so adamant about not telling me about it. I know him and I don't think he would have perceived a statement such as 'she was tortured' as a betrayal of trust... or at least not a major one.

Maybe that is the key: Bill's reaction... and Lee's... and Cottle's.

Whatever it is that she's been through, it has stirred all three of them into an overprotective frenzy... and while I can see guilt being a driving force behind Bill's determination to 'keep her safe', that still doesn't explain the other two, especially not Cottle.

The more I think about it, the more I suspect that there was a sexual element to whatever it was that the cylons did to her. That would be the most logical explanation.

As I said, I know Bill and I don't think he would have perceived something like 'she was tortured by the cylons' as a betrayal of trust but at the same time something along the lines of 'she was raped by the cylons' would have been a very different matter... and that would also explain his desire to wrap 'his little girl' in cotton and keep her safe from the big, bad world. That is what any self-respecting, overprotective 'father' would be expected to do under the circumstances... and it would also serve to explain the glares I got from both Lee and the doctor. Simply put, what I have seen here so far is something that can be described as a fairly typical male reaction to the realization that a woman they care about has been raped.

Okay, so I have a general idea as to what may have happened to her, what may have triggered this, and that is something but at the same time I am all too aware of the fact that a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing and, even though now I have a general idea as to where I stand, I can't afford to forget that there is a very big difference between knowing where I stand and knowing what my next step should be.