Chapter 35
(Kara's POV)

I almost jump out of my skin when I hear the Old Man's voice and I don't have a frakking clue of what to do. I wish I could just get away but I know I can't. Hell, I still can't take more than a couple of steps without feeling completely exhausted and even that is at a snail's pace, so I really don't think I'm going to make it out of this room... and even if by some miracle I could manage to make it out of here and get past both Adamas, Cottle, and whatever medic I happen to run into along the way, where the frak would I go?

"Kara?" I hear the Old Man call my name but I can't bring myself to meet his eyes. I just want this whole thing to be over with once and for all --hell, I thought it was over-- but I'm afraid we are back to square one now.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do when I feel the mattress dip as Adama sits on my bed and reaches for my hand.

"Talk to me," he prods.

"How much did you hear?" I blurt out before I can even stop myself.

"Enough."

"Oh," I whisper, not quite knowing how to respond.

"Hey, give me your eyes," he orders, gently grabbing my chin and forcing me to look up... whether I want to or not. "None of it was your fault. You have to know that."

"You weren't there, you don't know what..."

"I know everything I need to know," he interrupts me.

"No, you don't."

"Oh, I know I'm missing a couple of details --more than a couple, in fact-- but Lee is right, you are the only one who seems to think that you actually had a choice about any of it," he insists and I almost find myself believing him... almost. Hell, I want to believe him, I want it so badly but...

"How can you say that?" I finally ask, still trying to understand.

"Because it's the truth. What you went through... I can't even begin to imagine what being there was like, I can't imagine what you are going through and I sure as hell can't take it away but none of it was your fault and we are here now. You don't have to do this alone, not any more."

"He is right, Kara. You are safe now... as for New Caprica I..." Lee begins before trailing off and looking away.

"You what?" I prod, somewhat puzzled by his reaction.

"Let's just say that the whole thing was a frakking mess and leave it at that, okay? It was a bad idea, one that was doomed from the start and we really should have known better," he says.

"Yes, well, short of a coup there wasn't much we could have done to prevent it," I remind him.

"I know, it was the will of the people but it was still stupid to think that the cylons wouldn't find us and we should really have known better than to try to bury our collective heads in the sand, or in the nebula as the case might be. It was naive to think that the cylons would just give up the chase and leave us alone because we wanted them to and that was one lesson we should have learned after what happened the last time we let our guard down, the last time we allowed ourselves to think that the cylons had gone away.

"Oh, I know it wasn't quite so simple. I can understand why the people voted the way they did, why they allowed themselves to be fooled into believing that the cylons would never be able to find that particular planet. They wanted to believe that they would finally have a chance to rest after months on the run. It was an appealing idea, I'll give you that --one that was exploited by Baltar and Zarek-- but settling there was still a risky proposition, a proposition that 'the people' should have known better than to take. We had no real means to protect that gods forsaken rock and they should have known that two battlestars would be no match for a cylon fleet, to say nothing of the fact that evacuating a frakking planet was bound to take more than a couple of minutes. Hell, yours may be an extreme case but do you honestly think you are the only one who would kill for a do-over? Do you really believe that those who voted for Baltar have no regrets? After all, if it hadn't been for them, if Roslin had won the election in the first place, New Caprica would never have come to pass and don't even get me started on the rest of us, on those of us who didn't settle. I mean, you may be blaming yourself for the fact that you couldn't do more to fight Leoben but..." he trails off, again.

"But what?" I ask, again, still not entirely sure as to where this is going. Oh, there is no denying that settling on New Caprica was a stupid mistake, one we paid for dearly, but it sure as hell wasn't Lee's stupid mistake.

"But, even if you don't believe it, the bottom line is that it really wasn't your fault and that is more than can be said for the rest of us. We all made our choices, Kara, and now we have to live with the consequences. We fled when the cylons arrived, we left you there to your own devices and it took us four frakking months to make it back... and the truth is that we almost didn't go back, that I argued against returning. I was willing to abandon you there, I was willing to leave you in Leoben's hands and even though I wish I could change that, I can't so if you want someone to blame, I'm right here."