Part 3: The Carrot

Kara couldn't stop herself from thinking back to the first time Leoben had explained to her what the 'rules' were going to be. It had been only hours after Simon had handed her over to him, when he had first taken her into 'their' room and laid out some clothes for her on a chair by the head of the bed, so close that she could almost touch them... almost.

The problem was that those clothes were not hers, not yet, though as he had told her they were hers to earn. Of course, if she wanted to earn them she was going to have to do it by doing exactly as she was told, by obeying each and every one of Leoben's commands... at least in bed. Oh, he had made it clear that he did not really expect compliance elsewhere, that he actually found her defiance amusing --though that didn't mean that she would not be punished for her disobedience if she took things too far-- but in 'their' bed the rules were going to be different, in their bed he was to be her absolute master and that was a lesson that had been driven home in a particularly painful way when he had let his guard down for a few seconds and she had taken advantage of the opportunity to crush his windpipe.

She had known even then that it was a bad idea. She knew enough about the cylons to realize that it was only a matter of time, of a couple of hours at most, before he would be back and that when he did he was going to be pissed but at the time she hadn't really cared. What she hadn't been expecting, however, was to have Leoben come back with reinforcements. She had been in the shower when she had heard him return... only when she had turned around it hadn't been 'him', it had been 'them'. There had been over a dozen copies staring at her, indistinguishable from each other and they had dragged her back to the bed, where the dead copy still remained.

She remembered looking up at the eerie circle of identical faces that were towering over her, pinning her down, holding her, touching her and then, as they kept taking turns, trying to escape their gaze by looking away only to be met by the dead eyes of the copy she had killed earlier. The details of that encounter were still somewhat blurry in her mind but what she did know was that eventually she had passed out and when she had come to she had been so sore she had barely been able to move... and she had also been alone in bed with a single, breathing copy of Leoben, one that was still running its hands all over her body. There had been no trace of the one she had killed earlier, nor had she had anything but the pain to remind her of the fact that the others had ever even been there.

That had been one of the most brutal incidents but in that regard she had the comfort of knowing that, at least from a physical perspective, it was as bad as things were likely to get because the next day Simon had really laid into Leoben. When he had examined her he had noticed that she was still bleeding so he had ordered a couple of centurions to escort her back to the center's medical facility and there he had reminded his fellow cylon that she had a higher purpose --one that went beyond his games-- and that they couldn't allow him to jeopardize that purpose by getting carried away and inflicting any sort of permanent damage. As it was the bruising and the tearing had turned out to be extensive enough to warrant him ordering Leoben not to have intercourse with her for at least a week and to be 'careful' for a week after that.

That should have been a relief: a week long reprieve, a week in which Leoben was not going to be allowed to touch her... only it wasn't. For starters Simon's exam had been incredibly painful. She was lucky to have escaped the whole thing without stitches and she knew it but still --as had been the case back on that basestar-- the cylon doctor hadn't exactly bothered with any kind of anesthetic as he examined her and cleaned the cuts and then, much to her dismay, he had handed Leoben an ointment he was instructed to apply every four to six hours and Leoben had been particularly diligent about it.

Sure, she had tried to fight him off the first time he did it, after he had taken her back to their 'apartment' but --as usual-- he had overpowered her without even breaking a sweat and then the next time around she had found herself being held in place by the cold, mechanical hands of two centurions.

As far as she was concerned that whole scene had felt more than a little surreal.

The centurions' grip had been punishing and she remembered feeling almost as if the slightest movement would have resulted in her arms and legs being torn from her body... and then there had been Leoben. The cylon had certainly taken his time, acting almost as if the centurions weren't there, letting his touch linger when all she wanted was for him to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. He had even gone so far as to apologize for getting carried away as he gently ran his fingers over the cuts while telling her that she had 'pushed him' into it... and then he had reminded her, as he always did, of just how easily she could make the pain stop.

That had been an ordeal she had not been willing to go through again so the third time, when Leoben had ordered her to lay down and spread her legs for him, she had fought down her shame and reluctantly done as she was told.

In fact that had been one of those moments that had caused her to find herself wondering if fighting was even worth it. She couldn't stop him no matter what she did but maybe she could make it easier for herself if she would just give in. Would that have been so bad? Was there anything she could hope to gain from her defiance? Was her pride worth it? She was trapped, she had no chance of escape and she knew it. Whether or not she fought him, she was still playing Leoben's game by Leoben's rules so what was the harm in choosing the carrot, in accepting the clothes he had offered her on that first day and everything that went with them, including a chance to escape the pain?

It was a tempting prospect but at the same time she was almost painfully aware of the fact that she could barely stand his touch as he applied that damned ointment without flinching or throwing up and she knew that what he would demand of her in return for those clothes would require her to do a hell of a lot more than to just hold herself still with her legs spread open.

Sure, as far as she was concerned sex was just sex. It could be fun, at least when both parties were into it, but the truth was that she had never been one of those people to give it much of a higher meaning. She had never been the kind of girl boys took home and she had always known it. She had always been a one night frak, nothing more and nothing less... at least until Zak, and even then they had been forced to try to keep their relationship a secret because that relationship had been against the rules. In fact Lee was the only one who had known about them at the time and that was only because Zak had never been good at keeping anything from his big brother. Even Sam had taken her to bed when they had known each other for only a day or so and she hadn't really given it much thought. As far as she was concerned that was the way the game was played so why couldn't she just play the game with Leoben and escape the pain? Was it because he wasn't human or was it because playing the game with Leoben would have meant relinquishing control and that was the one thing she had never been willing to do?

Well, she wasn't in control this time around, that much was obvious, but still she kept fighting and she was determined to keep on doing it for as long as she could. She was determined to keep on fighting even as she longingly looked at the clothes Leoben had laid out for her by the head of their bed on that first day, so close that she could almost touch them... almost.