Funny how these things happen, how suddenly a single seemingly harmless comment can change some of your most basic beliefs.
From my father's house, where an A- was deemed as unacceptable, to the army, where a single error could have costed me my life, to my work as a detective, where overlooking the slightest detail could mean allowing a killer to go free, I've never dealt gracefully with mistakes... Not with those of others and certainly not with my own. The thing is that, up until a few hours ago I believed I knew what a "mistake" was. I was convinced that things were either right or wrong , now I'm not so sure.
My Guide keeps trying to tell me that the world is not necessarily black and white. He keeps trying to make me see the different shades of gray. He even told me once that it was hard to believe that a guy with enhanced senses could be so thoroughly color blind. Funny how in the end he managed to get that through my head without even trying.
I can't even remember how we found ourselves talking about Naomi. I usually try to avoid the subject, there are too many emotions there for both of us after everything that's happened, and I don't do emotions, not if I can help it. Anyway, somehow we ended up talking about her, and about Sandburg's childhood. I was so surprised when he said it, without bitterness, as if he were merely stating a fact. He said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "I am Naomi's greatest mistake." I was so stunned, and I reacted like I always do, with anger. How dare my best friend, my partner, my Guide refer to himself in those terms? He could not understand my reaction. Not only did he accept that as a fact, he didn't even seem to understand why such a statement would bother me.
I've been thinking about it for hours, trying to understand his acceptance. In a sense I guess I can see his point. Would I assume that a sixteen year old girl who finds herself pregnant and alone has made a mistake? If I manage to keep my emotions out of it, if I don't think of that child's child as my Guide, then my answer would have to be yes. Is it possible to acknowledge the mother's mistake without seeing that child as a mistake as well? I guess it is a matter of perspective, but most arguments to that end do tend to seem a bit hypocritical. And that is the thing that has kept me tossing and turning for the past three hours. I've always strived for perfection, and I've had a hard time accepting that mistakes are unavoidable. Funny how I ended up owing my sanity and my life to someone else's mistake.